I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
