C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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