I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
