Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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