Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
