I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize