I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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