he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
