yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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