I think I died a long time ago.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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