You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
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I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
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No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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