It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
