if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
