Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
