we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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