Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
