so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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