It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
