11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
