So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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