She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
