At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
