just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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