'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
