tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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