I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
