Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Randomize
