Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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