i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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