therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
