Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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