Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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