We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Randomize
