R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
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I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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