i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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