i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
