Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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