My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
