there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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