I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
