Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
