Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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