I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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