yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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