It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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