Duck Duck Cougar?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
