you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My feet surprised me
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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