I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
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I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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