The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
