I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
