I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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