There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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