It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
