Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
