And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
