Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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