He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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