put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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