just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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