I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
