I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
