The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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