There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
